YesikaStarr

Do
The
Mujeres
Stay
When the men are no good
Because they watched
Too many novelas
Where the
Galan
Was
An angry bitter soul
Turned prince
After the girl
Loved him
And wept
And loved him
And wept
Until happily ever after?

Or are the
Novelas
This way
Because
The mujeres
Are
This way?

Women made of
Folded hands and faith
Of veladoras and virgencitas
Of saints doubling as fairy god mothers
Of suffering becoming the vehicle for love

Women who believe
That the men
Are allowed
Anything
Because men are capable
Of anything

And I learned these things
Sitting in our tiny living room
With my mother and father
Watching the love stories

Another girl kneeling
Her face wet with tears
Another man slamming doors
Storming off somewhere else
And then a reunion
Set to a song full of violins

My parents loved this way too
All shouting and dramatic pauses
All God will fix us
All good woman and difficult man
All pray the problems away
All church pew and cycles

And I couldn’t wait
To be a mujer
So I could have my turn
At heartache

Be a pretty face
Pale with love for
A man
Who always
Came back
No matter how terrible
He was

Like a novela
Where romance
Was sighing your lovers name
When he couldn’t get it right with you
And you’re saved once he comes back
And pulls a kiss out of you
As if you had always been a straw
Waiting to bring him
What would keep him from burning
In his thirst

And somewhere
In the less enamorada
part of you
the question
sits

what came first
the telenovela
or our misunderstanding
that romance
translates into abuse?

When I run
Everything
Moves
Bounces
Flaps
Swings
Slaps
Shakes

I am
A strange thing
Plowing down
The street

A weird bird
Flapping it’s wings
Incessantly

Wheezing and red cheeked
Face twisted and determined

This is me learning to fly

Next thing I know
I won’t even feel
The moment
My feet
Stop touching
Ground

You said you were no good
And I didn’t believe you

Took you into my mouth

I do the best and worst things with this mouth

I’ve made it destroy
And create
Multiple times
In one day

And I let your manhood into it

Let you say my name
The way I had been
Hurting
For someone to

Let you pull back my hair
Let you touch more parts of my body than
I usually do

I said I was being a woman then
I said I just wanted to feel good

And I did

Until you didn’t call

Until my mouth was now
A cavity
Waiting for you

Until
I left you a message

Asking
For all your no
Good

It tumbled out of this mouth

The way you did
That night

Before I made my way home